Kyle MacDonald: Why do I Always Feel Like Everything is My Fault?
"Why do I always feel like everything is always my fault?"
There's a famous scene in the movie Good Will Hunting where the late, great, Robin Williams repeatedly tells Matt Damon's character "It's not your fault" until he breaks down into tears, hugging Robin Williams. Change happens.
Feeling like you're always to blame for what goes wrong in your relationships is common to the experience of many with depression, and it incapacitates people. In the face of bad treatment from others, in the grip of distress, rejection or hurt, it causes us to collapse. Unable to fight, we instead fall into despair.
Kyle MacDonald: Here's What's Really Wrong With Smacking Kids
Before you go rushing off to claim that "yes but there's this one study/expert/example that says it's fine to smack kids", science is about weight of evidence, and putting together a picture over time.
So here we are, in 2017, once more having a debate because some people believe it's a good thing to use physical violence against children. And as if that isn't bad enough, some politicians even see it as a way to grab some votes.
Frankly, I find it morally reprehensible we're still having this conversation, but I also understand there is a big difference between making a mistake as a parent, which most later regret, and arguing for the right to intentionally and deliberately use violence against young people.
Kyle MacDonald: The Kiwi Way is Bad For Our Mental Health
When we hear over and over again our sadness is wrong, it doesn't make the sadness go away.
Most people who experience depression believe themselves to be "bad". Maybe not all the time, but certainly when they're depressed. For some it is so pervasive they feel themselves to be evil, bad to the core, even that others would be better off without them.
People often think of depression as sadness that can't be shaken, misery that never ends. But depression is much more than just an emotion, even though it can look like sadness, it is much more complicated than that.
So how does "I'm sad" become "I'm bad"?
Kyle MacDonald: What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?
Regardless of who we are, we all know deep emotional pain. That heart-rending pain that feels like your guts are being ripped out. Heartbreak, rejection, bereft, alone.
Losing love, the pain of being abused or left by others stays with us. But for most of us it is hopefully a very occasional experience.
You might have only felt it once or twice before, enough to know what heartbreak feels like, infrequently enough to consider your future to likely be free of such pain and loss.
Kyle MacDonald: What Causes Someone to Become a Hoarder?
I have a pocket watch that was my great grandfather's. It's not particularly valuable, but it means a lot to me. I never use it, it just sits on a shelf. But, like a small number of things I own, its value is sentimental. It's an heirloom: an inanimate object that has been imbued with an emotional value.
I have a connection to it that is more like a relationship.
Most people have one or two items like this, on a shelf, or in a box somewhere. Of course some people have many, many more.
Kyle MacDonald: Why 'Snowflake' Millennials is a Term of Abuse
"Are millennials really more sensitive?"
For the most part, I'm not a fan of generalisations. It's just a short skip and a jump from there to a stereotype, and it's evil cousin, prejudice.
But we just can't seem to help ourselves when it comes to age, and generations.
Gen "X", baby boomers, millennials: we all know our place. And on a weekly basis on one website or another we get told that millennials, well they're a bit special aren't they?
Kyle MacDonald: Why you Shouldn't Always Live by the Rules
"I got told I'm a very black-and-white thinker. What does this mean?"
Life is full of rules. Some of them are useful, like driving on the correct side of the road. Others: less so.
Therapists distinguish between the "laws" we must live by, like which side of the road to drive on, and the beliefs we learn, from our family culture and experiences.
Some types of therapy really zero in on these beliefs, because they shape so much of our experience.
Kyle MacDonald: People Pleasing Can be Detrimental to Your Health
"What does it mean if I'm a "people pleaser"? Is it a bad thing?
It's one of those strange ideas in the self-help books isn't it? Who wouldn't want to please people, and how could that be a bad thing?
What we normally mean when we talk about some one being a "people pleaser" is someone who tends to put others needs, wants, desires ahead of their own. And there's the rub.
Suicidal thoughts: Sylvia Huitson has 'been there, done that got the T-shirt'
Sylvia was 22 when she got into an abusive relationship that almost led her to the brink of suicide, now 62 the New Plymouth woman looks back at that relationship in order to help others that are suffering.
Her original plan was to be an accountant. Instead, she turned to counselling, and has been self-employed for 10 years.
"This gives me the most pleasure because it's a hugely rewarding job. People feel better going out than when they come in."
Mike King Blocked From Speaking at South Canterbury School
Mental health crusader Mike King believes a "misinformed" fear-mongering campaign is to blame for several high schools withdrawing an invitation for him to speak to students.
Ahead of his keynote speech to the NZ First party conference on Sunday morning, King was invited to speak at eight schools in the South Canterbury region on self-esteem and keeping their "inner critic" in check.
However, Opihi College in Temuka, then retracted the invitation. They told King he was no longer welcome, after being contacted by South Canterbury District Health Board (SCDHB) suicide prevention coordinator Professor Annette Beautrais.