Kyle MacDonald: Don't Punish Beneficiaries, Reward Them
If punishing those who are struggling to care for their families is the Kiwi way, then it's time to change the Kiwi way, says Kyle MacDonald following Metiria Turei's resignation.
Behavioural reinforcement can be a dry topic. Which is why my favourite book on the topic is called "Don't Shoot the Dog." It points out the problem with punishment: the end point - when, for instance, training a dog - is to shoot the dog. No more bad behaviour, but also, problematically, no more dog.
The author also makes the bold claim that cats are also trainable, which I'm not so sure about.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=119...
Kyle MacDonald: Do Politics Bring out the Worst in you?
When we're passionate about an idea simple disagreement can feel like a personal attack.
Therapy has always been interested in the myriad ways we can fool ourselves as human beings. We can all provide endless self-justifications for why we act the way we do, even when we're acting badly. It's completely normal, even desirable, as it leaves us feeling like we're in control. It's an important cornerstone of our sense of mental wellbeing.
It's mostly untrue, which is why we fool ourselves.
We all behave inconsistently in ways that, when we stop to think about it - really think about it - can be incomprehensible even to ourselves.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: Why do People Hate the Poor?
I doubt many would believe their success was down to blind luck, or simple good fortune.
It's human nature for us to think we're a bit special. Pretty much everyone considers themselves an "above average" driver, even though that's a statistical impossibility.
We also tend to find comfort in believing we're all more or less in charge of our own destiny. It's an idea that's reinforced by so many lessons in our individualised, capitalist culture: Work hard, get a degree, a good job, and you will succeed.
Ask anyone who we might consider "successful" and most will put it down to hard work. But I doubt many would believe their success was down to blind luck, or simple good fortune.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: Why Criminalising Drug Use Doesn't Work
Most people believe drugs are harmful (they are) and that prohibition discourages use and keeps people safe (it doesn't)
Denial is an idea people easily associate with drug use and addiction. After all, it's often part of the problem for people who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs.
But increasingly it appears that the general population is also in denial about the fact that criminalising drug use doesn't work.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: Why do I Always Feel Like Everything is My Fault?
"Why do I always feel like everything is always my fault?"
There's a famous scene in the movie Good Will Hunting where the late, great, Robin Williams repeatedly tells Matt Damon's character "It's not your fault" until he breaks down into tears, hugging Robin Williams. Change happens.
Feeling like you're always to blame for what goes wrong in your relationships is common to the experience of many with depression, and it incapacitates people. In the face of bad treatment from others, in the grip of distress, rejection or hurt, it causes us to collapse. Unable to fight, we instead fall into despair.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: Here's What's Really Wrong With Smacking Kids
Before you go rushing off to claim that "yes but there's this one study/expert/example that says it's fine to smack kids", science is about weight of evidence, and putting together a picture over time.
So here we are, in 2017, once more having a debate because some people believe it's a good thing to use physical violence against children. And as if that isn't bad enough, some politicians even see it as a way to grab some votes.
Frankly, I find it morally reprehensible we're still having this conversation, but I also understand there is a big difference between making a mistake as a parent, which most later regret, and arguing for the right to intentionally and deliberately use violence against young people.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: The Kiwi Way is Bad For Our Mental Health
When we hear over and over again our sadness is wrong, it doesn't make the sadness go away.
Most people who experience depression believe themselves to be "bad". Maybe not all the time, but certainly when they're depressed. For some it is so pervasive they feel themselves to be evil, bad to the core, even that others would be better off without them.
People often think of depression as sadness that can't be shaken, misery that never ends. But depression is much more than just an emotion, even though it can look like sadness, it is much more complicated than that.
So how does "I'm sad" become "I'm bad"?
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?
Regardless of who we are, we all know deep emotional pain. That heart-rending pain that feels like your guts are being ripped out. Heartbreak, rejection, bereft, alone.
Losing love, the pain of being abused or left by others stays with us. But for most of us it is hopefully a very occasional experience.
You might have only felt it once or twice before, enough to know what heartbreak feels like, infrequently enough to consider your future to likely be free of such pain and loss.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/bay-of-plenty-times/news/article.cfm?c_id=1503...
Kyle MacDonald: What Causes Someone to Become a Hoarder?
I have a pocket watch that was my great grandfather's. It's not particularly valuable, but it means a lot to me. I never use it, it just sits on a shelf. But, like a small number of things I own, its value is sentimental. It's an heirloom: an inanimate object that has been imbued with an emotional value.
I have a connection to it that is more like a relationship.
Most people have one or two items like this, on a shelf, or in a box somewhere. Of course some people have many, many more.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
Kyle MacDonald: Why 'Snowflake' Millennials is a Term of Abuse
"Are millennials really more sensitive?"
For the most part, I'm not a fan of generalisations. It's just a short skip and a jump from there to a stereotype, and it's evil cousin, prejudice.
But we just can't seem to help ourselves when it comes to age, and generations.
Gen "X", baby boomers, millennials: we all know our place. And on a weekly basis on one website or another we get told that millennials, well they're a bit special aren't they?
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=118...
